Fantasizing of someone other than my hubbie!

Strong, passionate, brave, compassionate, creative, has great hair without trying, these are just a few of the qualities that I wish described me! Yes I am fantasizing of the person I want to be. Who did you think?

Anyways all my vision boards and positive affirmations have taken me a long way. I am a subscriber to the belief in the law of attraction and in miracles. However, I feel that positive thinking is just the first step in achieving one's dream. Small actions or baby steps are needed to manifest your dreams. Here is an example of what I'm talking about.

I felt very isolated when my children were small. I chose to stay at home with them.  I didn't see work friends anymore and my other friends were busy with their families. I moved to a new town and I needed friends that lived closer.  All the positive thinking wasn't going to bring these new people to my doorstep. I had to go out, join groups, go to candle parties and smile! Small actions that brought me closer to my wish. I now have a comfy circle of dear friends. I have also gotten back in touch with my old friends.

Vision Board

The year is coming to an end and maybe you are thinking about all your incomplete goals and intentions. No sweat. Take out your journal or vision board and scratch out some small steps you can do today. Think positive, smile and be creative. The universe is waiting for your next move.

Oh and I have been known to fantasize about Brad Pitt and the lead singer of the Killers (in the Mr. Brightside video). Once I dreamt of Will Arnet...still trying to figure out why? Oh well. Happy dreaming!

On the Canvas:
      I repurposed a clip earring of my grandmother's. It had lost it's mate and probably been alone in her jewelry box for years. I simply clipped it to my elastic ponytail holder. Now my hair looks a little fancier.

Mindfulcanvas: repurposing old jewelry

Till we meet again my Creative Friends

Like Mindful Canvas on Facebook too!

Bravery to change my mind

I started off my college career as an artist. Then the criticism hit me like a storm of negativity.  I became self conscious and gave up. I also like helping others and making a difference. I was too scared to it with art so I switched majors.  I graduated with a degree in Human services and a Special education degree.  However after teaching, getting married and having children; I realized I no longer like what I do for a living.  Now what? I have to explain to my parents, my husband and friends that I changed my mind. Oh... what am I going to do instead?

My children are my heart and inspiration. I felt odd telling them to reach for the stars while mommy settles for the career she chose 20 years ago. A decision I made as a young adult trying to find herself .A decision that was right for me back then, but not anymore. Now I am trying to create myself. I realize now that the skills I learned in my previous career were all part of the plan. One year I tried direct sales and I learned so much about business and about the kind of business I want to do. My inner mean girls says that I failed at being a teacher, and I failed at being a sales person. She says I should go back to my soul sucking job, because that is what people do. Sure it is more comfortable to keep doing what I know even if fit feels like it is slowly suffocating me. We all do it. Whether it is a career, relationship or habit; we have all been in a rut. The rut doesn't mean we failed. I have shame in that I chose the wrong career. I have shame that I don't like being a teacher. I feel guilty my parents paid for collage and now I don't feel like teaching anymore.  Brene' Brown speaks to us about our shame and how it keeps us from being our true selves. Let go of the shame and be vulnerable. All our experience are needed so we may learn from them. As long as you grow from the experience it is never a failure.

I blog, inspire others to paint from their soul, and teach art journaling classes. My journal is filled with many more ventures and things I want to try. It takes bravery to get past your shame. It takes courage to change your mind. Life is too short so change your mind and live it up!

On the canvas
I have been journaling my heart out. I love the short burst of creativity that I can do with my art journal. Unlike the time commitment when doing  a painting. Teaching the class is even more delightful because of all the other creative people exchanging ideas and positive energy. That's my passion. What's yours?

Till we meet again my creative friends

Opa (Guest post By Michelle White)

Today's post is by a teacher, mother, writer, runner, dreamer and a beautiful friend. Michelle has inspired and instilled in my children a love of learning. I am forever grateful for making their first experience in school such a wonderful one. Michelle writes about her greatest inspiration...her dad.

Michelle's Children's book

It’s just about that time; the time to remember the week from which I traveled to hell and crawled back.  He’s been gone 3 years now, but boy does it feel like a lifetime.  He’s missed so much: birthdays, holidays, graduations, races, baseball and soccer games…he’s missing my life.  My dad was my hero, my biggest cheerleader, my mentor in life and I miss him every day.

I didn't realize my dad was my hero until I became an adult and understood what it meant to get through life.  He had such drive and determination as he worked tirelessly to keep our family fed, clothed and cared for.  He was a working man, a laborer; working odd jobs all his life.  I didn't have much of a relationship with him as a small child- or simply don’t remember spending “fun” time with him.  As much as he was a working man, we became a working family (I grew up healthy alongside of my 2 brothers, 1 sister, and of course my mom and dad on a 20 acre apple orchard).  My early relationship with my dad consisted of “good morning” and “good night”.

My relationship changed with my dad when I started running for the cross country team in 7^th grade.  He took an immediate liking to the sport he called the mind game (“It’s you vs. yourself, the mind vs. the body.  Which is gonna be stronger today Michelle?”).  He never missed a race.  On the days that I ran great-setting records and winning titles- he would quietly clap on the sidelines.  On the days in which I struggled to just finish he was the biggest voice on the path; motivating me, pushing me to believe!  He became my biggest cheerleader.

Our relationship changed once again after I had my boys-Joey and Tyler.  He poured his heart and soul into the time he spent with them.  I sometimes would think he was trying to make up for the lost time with his own children during those early years.  My boys adored him.  He was their Opa. I smile as I remember  him telling the boys the same stories over and over again.   I am now forever grateful for those precious memories the boys have of him. 

 "Someday"

So if I have all these amazing memories of this great man, why do I choose to remember the last week of his life the most at this time of the year? Why do we ever think of those last moments with anyone we love after we have lost them? A grandma’s last kiss? A mother’s last hug?  An ex-boyfriends last phone call?  A father’s last breath?  I don’t know the answer to this.  But I do know that in my father’s death, that last week of his life, he was able to remind me:

-to be a devoted mother, spending as much time with my boys as they will let me

-to love a mom I am still blessed to have

-to adore a husband who teaches me to lean

-to be a sister and hold hands with my siblings

-to make memories and laugh with family and friends

-to be a runner that doesn't quit

-to carry on my dad’s spirit and to love and live life

Someday maybe I will be strong enough to not hole myself up on that inevitable anniversary and cry my eyes our endlessly.  Someday maybe I won’t remember how much it hurts.  Someday, someday , someday…

Please email Michelle for more information or to get a copy of her book "Someday" michellekkuty@hotmail.com

Connect..why?

As a little girl growing up in rural NY, I loved to paint and socialize. In high school I was voted most artistic, but as I went to college something shifted. I exchanged my individuality for “fitting in”. I changed from an Art major to Humans Services. During my social work classes I learned that I liked helping kids, so I transferred into a Special Education program. I got a job as a teacher but I missed painting. I missed my creative individuality. Then after many years of teaching and starting a family, I was yearning to paint again. I started painting and began to connect to my inner self through Intuitive painting. It felt natural to paint as I did as a child. What happened next was unexpected and wonderful. I went through a transformation spiritually and physically.  I was able to de stress and tame the negative voices in my head.  What happened on the canvas transferred into every facet of my life. Taking the time for me was enough to recharge my soul and as a result: I was a better mom, wife, and friend.  There was one message that kept coming up… Connect! 

         First it was just a whisper in my head while doing yoga or a scribbling in my journal. Then it grew and I was seeing the word connect everywhere. My art is so personal to me and my growth, but I realized that it is not my gift to keep and to hide. I must face my fears of rejection and be vulnerable. Trust my inner guide and live my purpose to share and connect with others, so they may find their message.

On the Canvas

You can connect with my through a class or online.  See the details on the right side of this page!

OR

Check out the details on my Facebook page by clicking here.

Pinterest: Jennifer R. Winarski

Instagram: Mindful Canvas

Till we meet again my creative friends.

Mother's Day Reflections

My Mother's day Weekend

• said goodbye to Grandma and held her hand while she slept at the hospital
• opening day parade for baseball and freeze watching the boys first games
• very proud of the boys they are both great hitters in baseball
• freeze pop dumped in my purse and everything is sticky including my phone
• Grandma is improving even though the doctors said she wouldn't
• homemade gifts from the kids
• taco omelet and tea from hubby
• more gifts from family (cute shirt, lotions, and flowers)
• the gift of visiting with grandma again... and she ate a hot fudge sundae!
• Grandma told a story of how one of the ladies cheats at at Bingo!
• dinner with mom and family
• 1 hour massage on Monday.

Life is filled with ups and downs. I realize I can't rely on the outside world to make me happy. Happiness comes from within. I am grateful for all I have and  in this moment I am happy.

On the canvas:
I painted a watercolor for my mom, and made sure my hubby took photos of me and my boys!

Sorry it has been awhile since my last blog post. I will be doing them once a month from now on. I am working on a website and more ways to connect to virtually and in person. If you are local you can find me this summer at a Tree of Life Yoga Studio. I will be teaching Intuitive Painting there as part of a retreat August 3rd . Click here for more information.

Till me meet again my creative friends
Jenni

The F word!

Sometimes you have a bad day...or two... or maybe a bad month? It is easy to get caught up in the negative voices in your head and sucked into the drama of the world around you. I have been practicing positive attitude exercises lately. It is harder work then you make think. The F-word is a real hurdle for me. I am of course talking about the word  forgiveness. 

Birthday card from a one of my best friends!

Forgiving others....is one thing. Forgiving myself is a whole different can of worms that I rather bury in the back yard than open. When and how did I get so off track. Why is it easier to beat myself up; then to love myself. The same goes with other people. It seems much easier to gossip about a person than to see them for their gifts. I have heard that the world is a mirror. What we dislike in others is actually what we dislike in ourselves. 

More lovely cards and special messages of kindness

Aaaaahhhh! I am deep into this work on myself and it is challenging. I am grateful that I have so many friends around me to help me see reality. Those negative voices in my head; that like to replay my mistakes and blow them out of proportion are not reality. I recently had a birthday and the cards I received made me cry. My friends expressed so many beautiful and heartfelt messages.  I saved the cards to read on those days when I am not feeling so confident and I need to forgive myself. They remind me of the love that I have and the light that is inside of me.

Cards from my son's Kindergarten class!

On the Canvas
Scrapbooking...well sort of. I am working on my family photos. I like to customize books on Shutterfly.  Sometimes I mix in photos of the kids art work.  Does this sounds a little ordinary and not creative enough for ya? Creativity doesn't always mean coming up with the next new idea. Sometimes being ordinary is creative. We are all different and each person's ordinary is very different from another's. Go ahead practice your own personalized creativity and don't listen to the inner critic!

Till we meet again my creative friends
Jenni

Overcoming my Fear

My heart is beating fast. I let out a breath and the words " Oh S*!T; what have I done?" cross my mind! I stepped out of my comfort zone. I put my self out there in the world. Unprotected, vulnerable trusting that what happens next is meant to be. I went against the negative voices in my brain and I followed my heart. Now those voices of fear are trying to get me to turn and run. Run and hide and pretend I never ventured out today. Breath...be strong. I call a friend so she can boost my confidence. It works...a little. Fear is powerful, and it can consume our lives without you or I even being aware. I see it for what it is. Some call it the ego or your inner bully. It is just trying to help like an overprotective mother. I want to live in the light not hide in the shadow of fear, regret and worry.

Today I am aware of my fear. I am reading May Cause Miracles by Gabrielle Bernstein and today is the first day of 40 days of my commitment to miracle work. Fear is easy to spot when you meet it head on, like stepping out of your comfort zone and doing the things you have always been too afraid to do. I have one hundred reasons why I shouldn't follow my dreams and only one reason to. My one reason is ....I want this.

The hundred reasons against my dream is the resistance. I know I am in for some radical changes in my life because of all the resistance. Just like when I started the elimination diet I had physical resistance in the form of food cravings and moodiness. I did the diet and I am better for it. Now, I am following a dream and creating a new life. I am going big and the resistance is just as big.

On the Canvas
I am doing some intuitive painting this week. I am just letting the brush and paint do their thing while I clear my mind. This type of process painting is very meditative and it often produces ugly paintings. That is ok, because the importance is on the process...the actual doing and not the outcome. I am also renaming my fear. Thank you Mario Forleo and her fiance Josh Pais. I now call my fear vibrations my fire! The burning motivation I need to keep moving and keep creating. 

Please comment below of your dreams and fears. I would love to hear from you.

Oprah's people called me...wink... wink!

Oprah's people called my people about doing an interview on her show " Super Soul Sunday"! Of course this has not happened yet. It is in my dreams. I believe it is possible, because I live in a world of miracles. 

It is easy to get depressed after watching the news. It is easy to get discouraged with your never-ending "TO DO LIST". It is also easy to sell yourself short when a new opportunity shows itself. It is easy to compare ourselves to others and feel not enough.  Somehow our culture has steered us into thinking our world is only made of fear and regret. I choose to live in a world where there are miracles.

Mindfullness: visit from a raccoon!

I see miracles everyday through my children's eyes. We all were children once upon a time. We were amazed at rainbows and we were struck with giggles at the sight of a grasshopper jumping around our feet. Adulthood has blinded us from the everyday miracles that surround us. It doesn't have to be this way. You and I can choose to live in a world of miracles.

Mindfullness: First tooth!

I started off small.  I picked up a camera and created an Instagram account. I started to document all the simple pleasures of my everyday life.  Something magical happens when you look through a lens. The ordinary seems extraordinary. I started a compliment or great things jar. I write down on scrap paper all the good things that happen. Now I have an arsenal of positive thinking to combat against my negative thoughts.  I stopped watching the the news. I skim the headlines online instead. I protect myself from the details and the slanted opinions of the media.

MIndfullness: looking up a tree.

Next I renamed my to do list the "Ta Da List" or the "I Deserve This List"  For example; I deserve clean dishes and clothes. I deserve an organized pantry. Whenever possible use chocolate! I pay my bills while eating chocolate and shifted my perspective from bills = ugh to money love!

Mindfullness: pea vine in the garden.

Seriously? You might be thinking this chick has no sense of reality.  I used to be a pessimist.  I used to be on Zoloft. I used to complain a lot...I mean a lot! I complained so much that I got tired of it. That's why I made some changes. I chose to live in a different world. When I made this shift I opened myself up to possibilities as big as the universe it self. At first you may not believe in the positive thinking ,but it will slowly become automatic. When the bad or unfair stuff happens, I pray. I ask for help. I surround myself with the people I love and I try to find the gem in the dark cave. You can't change your circumstances but you can change how you feel and react to them.

Mindfullness: Niagara Falls.

On the Canvas:
 Check out more of my photos on Instagram as Mindfulcanvas.
 Please comment below. I would love to hear how you keep a smile on your face!

Till we meet again my creative friends.
Jenni

Special note: If you Google Ta Da List you will find everything from web apps to free printables. Eating chocolate while paying your bills is a great tip I got from Bari Tessler.

Food Adventure

I have been trying to lose some weight and eat better since....well before I had my kids.  I have read all kinds of books, ate healthy foods and I have burned a whole lot calories on the spinning bike, however I was still not getting the results I wanted. I recently had been reading about food intolerance and I suspected that my cravings were more than just a lack of will power. Words like addiction and gluten free began to haunt my mind. I finally decided to do something drastic. I was going to stop eating the foods I loved. It is funny, because I sound like an obsessed teenager. The girl in love with the boy who has treated her badly. Food was treating me badly. It was time for a break up!

I made sushi! It's not perfect, but either am I.

My Symptoms
I have switched doctors many times over the last 15 years. I have been plagued with PMS, migraines, IBS and difficulty losing weight. All the doctors told me I was healthy. I had mild acne, tired all the time, and gaining weight (even though I was exercising and eating healthy). Oh and I caught every germ that crossed my path. I was either sick or I had a sinus infection. I could count on one hand the days I felt good. How was this healthy?

Chicken soup! Next I'll add quinoa instead of rice!

Empowerment
I started an elimination diet a few weeks ago. I eliminated sugar, corn, soy, dairy, gluten, eggs and peanuts. Sounds impossible right? Imagine me saying this in a dramatic voice "I looooooovvvvvvveeeee pizza, pasta and peanut butter!" I did it for 3 weeks. The first week was tough; I won't lie. Emotions came up...lots of  negative emotions. By the second week I felt powerful. I felt like I could take on any challenge. I had never been so confident in my life. I lost 7lbs  the first week. My skin cleared up. I was getting compliments left and right on how my skin glowed. No migraines...yippee! My clothes were lose and I hadn't exercised one little bit. Digestive problems were gone and I had more energy. Oh and I was feeling pretty sexy! Best of all, I wasn't craving or missing the foods I thought I could not live without. I do however miss the convenience. 

On the Canvas
I have been using my creative juices to cook up new recipes. I made my own BBQ sauce, sushi, and I perfected my chicken soup. I was also inspired by some savoy cabbage to paint! It has been fun to look at food in a different way. I have been experimenting and discovering new combinations that I haven't even seen on Iron Chef! Over the next few weeks, I will be reintroducing the seven food back into my diet. It will be interesting to see which ones give me problems and which ones I leave out for good. I have also started a regular exercise program and I hope to firm up my skinny new body. The elimination diet has helped me to be really mindful when eating and aware of the signals my body was giving me. Bottom line is I love the new foods I have been eating and they love me back!

Till we meet again my creative friends.
Jenni

Special Thanks to my husband for all his support. I didn't follow any specific diets or plans. I drew from several resources. I would like to thank Ami Patrick of Embody Health and Wellness for all the resources, recipes, her classes on detoxing and sugar. Another Thank you to JJ.Virgin for her book "The Virgin Diet" and her inspiration as a strong Mom!

Gift
Today was a gift! The weather where I live had been in the single digits! Hats gloves and fur trimmed coats were no match for the winter winds and snow. Today however it was 58 degrees! It was truly a gift, because tomorrow it will be in the thirties and snow! I took the opportunity to take a walk and enjoy the warm weather. I got caught in a downpour. I felt refreshed and lucky to have had the walk.

Last week I couldn't sleep and I rolled out of bed at 6:00 am on a Saturday. My husband and kids were still sleeping soundly, when I quietly gathered up my art supplies and went to the kitchen to paint. That is when I saw the full moon. It was a perfect composition. There were clouds, an a tall graceful tree back lit by the bright winter moon. It was pitch black except where the moon was radiating it's warm glow. I gasped in awe. The word lucky came to mind. I am so lucky to witness this beauty.

The gifts are all around us. We will see them only if we are looking.....and being mindful.

12/2012 Grandma and my nephew

I wrote the above blog this morning and now the word gift has taken on a new meaning. My grandma was told bluntly by her doctor that she has maybe two days or two months to live; and that medicine cannot do anything else for her. As sad as this news is to me, it is also a gift. I have time to call and to visit my grandma. I have time to tell her I love her. Other loved ones have passed and I have often wished for one more chance to hear their voice or hug them. I have that chance. It is a gift.

Till we meet again my creative friends.